Service Learning Transformation Paper

By
Claiborne H. Marshall

In the most general of terms, this experience was an immersion into Honduran culture and the beginning of a new friendship for me. I was paired with a beautiful 26 year-old Honduran woman named Marleni. She lives with her husband, brother and sister-in-law, and their two young daughters. Marleni has three children of her own whom she left with family in Honduras and was six months pregnant with her fourth child when we first met. As part of the Service Learning program, I was supposed to spend 2 ½ hours with her twice a week teaching her English and helping her out. However, this program and our relationship took on a life of their own.

I think that I have changed since the beginning of this project. Before starting my service learning experience, I had already had experiences teaching adult ESL learners. I learned the importance of patience and kindness, gained inside opinions, access to personal experiences of current global events, and got inspiration from some very strong people that I applied towards my own life. I had a similar experience working with Marleni, only in this instance it was a little more personalized. We worked one-on-one and it was also a woman-to-woman type of relationship, unlike those I had with any of the refugees. The time I spent working with Marleni only served to strengthen what I already knew about the benefits of this type of volunteer work. It changes lives and it is something that I want to continue to do.

I feel that I have grown immensely in my Spanish language abilities since I first began working with Marleni. I knew that, tucked somewhere on a shelf in my brain, I had stores of Spanish knowledge gathering dust. But, it had been so long since I had used the language on a regular basis that I was not sure if I would still be able to communicate effectively. I had also never had the experience of being forced to interact in the ways that I was required to with Marleni. Because her English was pretty much non-existent before I began working with her and because of her important health needs at the time; I did most of the communication from the start in Spanish. I remember taking her to the emergency room after complications from a spinal tap. The doctor rambled on about medical terms that I could barely understand in my own native language. But somehow, I found a way to explain it all to Marleni and her husband in terms they could understand. I know I made mistakes, but was very proud that I was able to do what I was never sure I could. Marleni never seemed to mind my linguistic hesitations and slow pronunciation. I felt comfortable talking to her about almost anything. Some of the situations we shared, such as numerous trips to the OB/GYN almost forced us to become close girlfriends. In the end, there really isn't anything that we don't feel comfortable sharing with each other. This closeness grew even stronger in relaxed settings like the times we spent alone in her trailer just talking about men, families, and life in general.

As far as my growth in cultural awareness is concerned, I think that I did gain some inside information on the country and culture of Honduras that few other people have been able to do without a passport. Marleni and Estela treated me to several native Honduran dishes - most of which I can't remember the names of or the ingredients for that matter. I even got to try mango juice! Marleni and I compared the weather and environments of Honduras to those of Virginia when we talked about English words for weather. Some of these differences, such as the fact that there really are no seasons in Honduras made what should have been simple lesson plans into much more difficult explanations. We also discussed the importance of family in her native country. I was so surprised to find out she is one of 14 children! In the course of all our conversations and discussions, I never knew when I'd find another gem of a tradition or superstition from Honduran culture.

I would say that this service learning experience not only met, but exceeded my expectations. I was nervous at the beginning of the program because I was not sure how Marleni and I would get along. I didn't want her to see me as any kind of intrusion on her life, but as it turns out, she is one of the most accepting and friendly people I have ever known. Even though my schedule is hectic I didn't always feel like I had the energy to go over to her place every time I had to teach a lesson, I always felt better once I had done it. Working with her never seemed like nearly as much of a chore once I showed up at her place and she opened door with a smile.

In my first reflection I wrote that I joined this program to make myself a better, more informed person, for chance to impart life-changing skills to these families, and for the convenience of the program itself. After finishing the semester, I do believe that I have become a more informed person. I know a lot more about the Spanish language, Honduran culture, and more about birthing babies than I ever probably wanted to know. I had fully expected to improve my Spanish and learn about Marleni's home culture, but the pregnancy was sort of an added bonus. I did not know that my "family" would be six months pregnant when I started the program. It turned out that Marleni had to go to the clinic twice a week because she had gestational diabetes. I went there with her so many times to translate that by the end of the semester most of the nurses knew me by name. During these visits I learned all about how to measure and control blood sugar and where to find free testing needles. I learned about each of the machines that doctors can use to see the baby and record it's heartbeats. I learned about some of the side-effects of pregnancy, how much weight a woman should gain, what the woman's optimal blood pressure should be, what the baby looks like at various stages in the womb, and which medications she should and shouldn't take. Even though this is Marleni's fourth child, this is her first with diabetic complications and her first under American medical care, so there was a lot for both of us to learn. Her baby girl was born a little over a week before the end of this semester. To me, the baby and the timing of the grand event were perfect. What better type of final exam could I have possibly asked for? While I was sharing this whole marvel with her, I couldn't help but think that I was gaining a "backstage" glance at the whole pregnancy process that most women never get to experience. I almost feel as if I not only got to "travel" to Honduras, but also got to go through a "virtual pregnancy" without any of the responsibilities that come afterwards.

I fully expected to change Marleni's life by giving her the English skills she needs to survive in society in the United States because, as I have said before, I have seen the significant impact these skills had on the lives of my refugee friends. Marleni and I have come a long way together. First, she learned how to fill out forms and answer such imperative questions as: "What's your name? Address? Telephone number?" She learned to answer questions that people often asked her about her pregnancy. She even began putting together short sentences with a subject, verb, and adjective with my guidance. Unfortunately, we did not make as much progress as I would have liked. It often seemed that her medical needs outweighed lesson time. That was okay with me though because I knew that she needed more help from me translating than teaching. She was in way over her head by having to deal with nurses, doctors, medical students, and nutritionists.

I also found it very tempting to converse with her in Spanish. When I taught ESL, I could look out over the class and always count at least three or four different languages among my students (none of which I knew how to speak). This meant I had no other choice but to speak English so that they could all understand. By working one-on-one with someone who speaks a language that I am more familiar with, my job became a little more difficult.
Despite this, I am very impressed with Marleni's progress and I can tell that even the little English she has learned so far has changed her life. She told me about a month ago that someone asked her to translate something simple to her boss. She was truly surprised at herself and proud beyond belief that she was actually able to do it. Even though the translation was only two or three words and was in slightly broken English, they all understood what she had to say. I could tell that that particular moment gave her a sense of power in a place where she had never felt she had any.

And finally, I mentioned that I joined the program for the convenience of it. This is true. The course fit into my schedule and fulfilled a requirement. It was also one of the few classes that I could do locally in Roanoke. However, with all of the medical problems, working with Marleni was often far from "convenient". I rearranged my schedule numerous times for her doctor's appointments and an occasional trip to the hospital. Overall though, I really didn't mind doing so. She needed my help and I was glad to be there for her. We became so close towards the end of the semester that I never really even thought twice about doing things like that because I know that she would have done the same for me.

Our relationship changed a lot over the course of the semester. In the beginning I was simply an English teacher and translator. I came over twice a week and we studied English. Once and awhile I would make a telephone call for her, translate a letter or two, or go to Krispy Kreme and straighten out scheduling problems with her boss. I was also a chauffeur. I drove Marleni to medical appointments and other places she needed to go. And, sometimes, I felt like a tour guide of the Roanoke valley. We discussed the neat local places to see and some of the cheap places to shop. However, as time went on, we became closer. I felt like more of a friend to her. We talked about things that all girlfriends talk about. We went shopping, laughed together, and shared pictures and stories about our lives and families. Despite all of these things, I realized that in the end there is one thing I became for Marleni that is far more meaningful than just a teacher, translator, chauffeur, tour guide, or even a friend. I became her voice.
Marleni got herself into trouble several times when she went to the clinic or hospital without any translator. The first time she went to the emergency room with a headache, she ended up having a spinal tap (with three huge needle marks in her spine), and a catscan. I went back with her three days later when her pain was so bad that she couldn't move or see. Another time, I went with her to a routine clinic appointment where we got quite a surprise. This was on a Monday and the doctor told me she was scheduled for an inducement on Thursday, Thanksgiving Day. This was news to both of us. Once again, she had gone to an appointment without me and hadn't understood what the doctors wanted. She told me later, while shopping for baby clothes, that she was amazed her helplessness sometimes. She said they could have said, "Ok, we need to take out your heart", and she would have agreed just because she didn't understand and didn't know any better. This is so dangerous and as her friend, I feel responsible. I know that I have an incredibly substantial job. I am her voice. I have come to know her so well that I know the kinds of medical procedures she would want or not want, I also know her medical history so well that I can recite it without help. I feel very special and honored that she trusts me well enough to basically put her life in my hands by being her voice to the world.

I definitely plan on keeping up with her and the baby after this semester ends. At the very least, I know that Marleni would like someone to go with her when the baby is a few months old and ready for her shots. She and Estela have taken me into their home and made me feel so comfortable that it just wouldn't seem right to never visit them again. We have all become very attached through this pregnancy and I know that, even though that experience is over, we have enough in common to continue our relationship. I can't wait to see Jennifer start to grow up and constantly have my fingers crossed that her other children will be able to join them so that they can be a family again.

How do I think they feel about me? I have never really asked. I know that Marleni is very appreciative of all I do. She always says thank you after lessons and doctor's visits. She has often told me I am "gente buena" and is so thankful that I can serve as her voice. This is slightly different from what I had expected. But then again, I had not expected for us to get this close. I thought that maybe the "family" would like me. That they would be grateful for the lessons. But, I know now that I have become so much more to her than just a teacher. I hope she sees me as a lifelong friend.
Along with the time I physically spent working with Marleni, I had to read numerous articles for this class. Out of all of these, I think that by far my favorite reading was "Charity" by Michael Nava. This is the story of young boy who feels resentment towards those trying to help him. He doesn't believe that people are helping him because they honestly care about him as a person. I really took this lesson to heart. I read this before I began my work with Marleni and because of that, I tried to always be very cautious. I didn't want to overstep my bounds by helping her and make her feel like she was nothing more than a charity case. Luckily, despite all of the donations I have passed on to her and her family, I never felt that any of it became an obstacle to our relationship. What I spent more of on Marleni was time, and by giving that to her, she knows that I really mean what I give. I also don't actually feel that what I am doing is considered "charity". When I think of that word, I think of a one-sided relationship. I am not the only one giving something in this relationship. Marleni gives me her time, her sense of humor, her strength, her patience, and her knowledge as well.

Another article I found meaningful through working with Marleni was "The Horned Toad", by Haslam, because it illustrates the importance of both immediate and extended family in the Latin community. Similar to me with my large extended Southern family, Marleni has always been surrounded by aunts, uncles, grandmothers, and cousins. Haslam's story involves a young boy and the bond he creates with his grandmother once she moves in with his family. This theme is seen over and over again in other readings, such as "The Scholarship Jacket" and several selected readings from Mora. As I mentioned before, Marleni is one of 14 children. Currently, her three oldest children are being raised by this extended family in Honduras. However, these children are far from forgotten. Even though they can't be together right now, Marleni often buys toys and clothes for them, sends her paychecks, and spends hours on the phone keeping in touch with them. I can see the importance of family when I visit their trailer. Estela's two children seem like they are being raised by two mothers and two fathers at once. As Marleni's baby, Jennifer, grows I know that she, Estefanie, and Sarae will be raised like sisters.
Many of the other readings also centered on what it is like to be a Latino child growing up. "Cajas de Carton", by Jiménez, for example is the bittersweet tale of a Latino migrant family and the dangers that this nomadic lifestyle can force upon young children. Migrant children are often not allowed to attend school because they need to work to support their families. Because of this, they often fall behind in their studies and sometimes never learn English skills at all. Knowledge of the English language is imperative to their success in breaking the cycle of poverty in their own adult lives. Through this program, I have been able to begin to help Marleni change her life and her future by giving her the gift of English. The little boy in "Cajas de Carton", however, was not as lucky. I really feel for him and hope to someday be like the teacher who takes him under his wing and tutors him in English and even music during his free time.

Another underlying theme in "Cajas de Carton" is the boy's desire for some kind of home. He is desperate for stability in his life and it seems that his greatest desire is for his family to begin to set down some roots. I think Marleni has come to this point in her life as well. She has made it to the United States and now she wants to begin to set up a life for herself here. She is determined and smart, and I wish her the best of luck in doing so.
Sandra Cisneros' novel, "Casa en Mango Street", is also about the dream of finding the perfect home. In the selected chapter, Cisneros looks into the dreams that people hold when they are living in a far-from-perfect environment. The main character in this story is a young Latina who dreams of escaping her low-rent neighborhood and moving into her idea of a dream house in the suburbs. When I discussed this story with Marleni, some new doors opened for us. We both shared our dreams for the future, and her dreams are like those presented in both "Cajas de Carton" and "La Casa en Mango Street". She wants to leave the trailer she shares with her brother and sister-in-law and move into her own with her husband. She also wants her other three children to be able to join them from Honduras. Then, someday, she hopes to save enough money to buy a little house for them all to live in together as a family. She wants the white picket fence - the American dream. I thought that this reading, in particular, was important because it encourages the reader (and especially Latinos) to hold onto their dreams.

I took many courses in Hispanic Literature as an undergraduate that were full of elements of mysticism, so it is not too surprising to me to find at least some of the readings in this course centered on this subject. In Mora's stories, "November" and "December", grandmothers and great, great-grandmothers all seem to still live in harmony under one roof. In these stories, it is often difficult to distinguish which women are spirits and which are living due to Mora's vivid descriptions. Marleni does not believe in any of this though. She said that her real father died when she was six years old and that if spirits existed, she knows she would have seen him again. She said that in all that time, she has only ever even had a dream about him once. However, she is a Jehovah's Witness and says that she does believe in the resurrection. From this I can tell her beliefs on the subject of mysticism are based more on religion than folklore. I did find it interesting though from all I have read about Latin culture and spirits that I would be the one who believes more in it than she does. When I told her about some of the people I have known and some of the things I have seen and dreamed about, she tried to tell me that it was all in my head. I almost laughed at the fact that a woman who was supposed to be from a country so rooted in folklore was trying to talk sense into a woman from a country based so strongly on science, and technology.

As I look back at how far we have come together, I wonder what the future will be like for Marleni and her child. She is still so new to the country that I am sure she will face many of the same identity crises pointed out by Stavans in his article called "Life in the Hyphen". Stavens explains his use of the concept of "hyphen" to describe the current Hispanic phenomenon of self-description. Many Hispanics proclaim to be Cuban-American, or Mexican-American, or any other form of "Something"-American just because they don't feel that they can fully identify with being purely Americans. This made me wonder about baby Jennifer. I know that, even though she was born in the United States, she will probably always be a "hyphen". Jennifer will be seen as Honduran-American because of her appearance and her family's origin. Stavens believes that some of the contributing factors to this phenomenon are America's continued unwillingness to accept outsiders and also the desire for many Hispanics to hold onto their rich heritage. If the alternative to being considered a "hyphen" is complete assimilation into American culture, I am not sure that a "hyphen" is as bad as the author believes.

When I think of Jennifer, I know that her mother could never betray her heritage in that way. She is very proud to be Honduran. This might be because she is still a fairly recent arrival, but she prefers Honduran food to American food, listens to Hispanic radio and television stations and even flys a small Honduran flag in her living room. I can see her trying struggle to balance these two worlds. She is trying very hard to learn English, seems interested in my family as a "model American family" and constantly asks me of questions about the United States. When I asked her how she wants to raise Jennifer, she says that Jennifer will be bilingual. She also says that she wants half of her playmates to be Americans so that she will have access to both cultures. I am glad that Marleni doesn't see her Honduranness as something to hide from and that she can pass this pride onto her daughter.

Did this experience change my life? I would say that in some ways it did. My undergraduate major was Spanish and I think I can honestly say that this one class I took as a graduate student has been the most productive and memorable Spanish class I have ever taken. It has taught me to be able to "think on my feet", so to speak, in a foreign language. It has also given me insight into a culture that I would never have otherwise had direct contact with. I wish I had been able to take this course as an undergraduate and definitely think that all Spanish students should look into it. However, I don't think that it has had a significant impact on the way that I think. I like to believe that I have always been a fairly open-minded person, and will continue to be. This course has given me more confidence about the way I use the Spanish. Because of that, I feel much more competent and am willing to take risks with the language. I am also incredibly proud of myself that I have never pulled out a Spanish/English dictionary even once during the course of the semester.

This experience has really not changed my life in terms of plans for the future. The first time I taught ESL to refugees already had that impact. So, coming into this class, I knew what it was that I wanted to do with my life. Despite this, I am glad that I took the extra time to complete a service learning course as a graduate student because working with Marleni has only strengthened my desire to teach and change lives.