A quote:
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
If you are going to walk on thin ice you might as well dance
This is the personal website of Matthew Dellinger. I use it speak my mind on the continuing work of God in my life, our culture, the the church, and anything else that comes to mind.
I'm currently trying to move into a more serious realm. I want to use this space primarily to address the second and third topics I mentioned: culture and the church. I'm always looking for something to write about, so if ya'll think of anything, just ask and I'll talk about it.
Enjoy, or at least think about what I post.
My apologies for not posting for a while. I've been rather occupied with various things, such as the 7 quizzes and a test I had/have this week. Besides that, I've been thinking a lot, but most of it's the sort of thing that I don't feel like writing up here. If you want to know, ask me, and I'd love to tell you.
One thing that has been on my mind recently is the way I tend to run over other people in getting what I want. The number of things I've wanted that I have voluntarily given up can probably be counted on one hand. If I want something, whether it's getting to go somewhere or do something or talk to someone or whatever, I will push till it happens. Every time I do this, I have this question that bounces around in my head; is this only happening because I want it to? I am awful at communicating non-verbally; body language is about as comprehensible to me as Swahili. I know of several times where various people were doing everything they could to get me to leave except actually say it. Ya'll need to know that that won't work. If you want me to get it, you're going to have to say it. And believe me, I would much rather be told I'm trying to force something that you don't want to happen than force it to happen and find out later that I was simply oblivious to what you were trying to tell me.
(2/28/07)
In speaking of this desire for our own far-off country, which we find in ourselves even now, I feel a certain shyness. I am almost committing an indecency. I am trying to rip open the inconsolable secret in each one of you - the secret which hurts so much that you take your revenge on it by calling it names like Nostalgia and Romanticism and Adolescence; the secret also which pierces with such sweetness that when, in a very intimate conversation, the mention of it becomes imminent, we grow awkward and affect to laugh at ourselves; the secret we cannot hide and cannot tell, though we desire to do both. We cannot tell it because it is a desire for something that has never actually appeared in our experience. We cannot hide it because our experience is constantly suggesting it, and we betray ourselves like lovers at the mention of a name. our commonest expedient is to call it beauty and behave as if that had settled the matter.
(2/25/07)
Deleted out of xaris.
(2/24/07)
I just finished "Till We Have Faces" last night, and it was one of the best books I've ever read. Toward the end, there's this interesting scene. The main character is a girl who, through the book progresses from being the daughter of the king to eventually taking the throne. Throughout the story, one of her most trusted advisers is an older soldier. Near the end of the book, he dies, and she goes to comfort his wife. She is shocked to find that his wife is bitter against her. The grieving wife states that her husband loved the queen more than he did his own wife. She is not talking about the throne, but the woman the queen. Her justification is as follows. He and the queen traveled together, fought together, planned together, ate together, and, when on campaign, lay down together as comrades in arms. She states "I know you never had him to bed." What then is her complaint? She was married undowered, meaning her husband married her out of love, in preference over others.
Her complaint is that "he loved you, because you were in his world." That jumped out at me, and I think it's a good thing for gals (and probably guys) to hang onto.
Ya'll are well aware that I have no experience with this whole dating/relationships thing, and am not likely to get any soon. However one thing that is important to most guys is that she come into our world; by this I mean that she should be comfortable with our friends, doing what we do, going where we go, talking about what we talk about. One thing that drives me nuts about American culture is this idea that a couple has to go do things by themselves all the time. Yes, that is good, necessary, and beneficial to the relationship,
However there is something about attractive about someone who can jump into a guys world. What I am trying to say is that we often see this as an either/or thing; either she is a friend, doing what he and his friends do, and thereby detracting from her femininity or she is his girlfriend, and therefore exempt from what he does, forcing him to create a little world in his life just for the two of them
Eh, I think you all know what I mean, and this is long enough so I'll shut up. You'll never never guess what brought this to mind: a rather graphic lecture on culturally acceptable practices in homosexual relationships in 5th century Greece. Yeah... I kid you not.
(2/20/07)
Below are some quotes by my good friend C.S. Lewis. They are mostly taken from his novel "Till We Have Faces," which I am reading as I write this. They are here solely because I found them witty, insightful, or pertinent to something I've seen or thought of recently. It may be of use to the reader to know that the book is set from the perspective of a young woman.
"He looked at me long and searchingly, but never so tender since those old days when he used to sing "The Moon's Gone Down," I on his knees.
'Well, you have a secret from me,' he siad in the end. 'No, don't turn away from me. Did you think I would try to press or conjure it out of you? Never that. Friends must be free. My tormenting you to find it would build a worse barrier between us than your hiding it. Some day...'"
The following is spoken from an interesting perspective. The man is a slave, a greek who does not believe in the gods.
"To be poor and in hardship, to be a poor man's wife-"
"Wife! You mean his trull, his drab, his whore, his slut."
"Nature knows nothing of these names. What you call marriage is by law and custom not nature. Nature's marriage is but the union of the man who persuades with the woman who consents. And so-"
"The man who persuades - or more likely, forces or decieves - being some murderer, alien, traitor, runaway slave or other filth?"
"Filth? Perhaps I do not see it as you do. I am an alien and a slave myself; and ready to be a runaway - to risk the flogging and impaling - for your love and hers."
And spoken from the woman's perspective;
"This is were men, even the trustiest fail us. Their heart is never so wholly given to any matter but that some trifle of a meal, or a drink, or a sleep, or a joke, or a girl, may come between it and them, and then (even if you are a queen) you'll get no more good out of them till they've had their way.
(2/17/07)
1. Lost Art: Romance in the Age of Irony
Love in the 21st Century is a joke. It's a scam. It's a punch line in a sitcom. It's an e-mail with a lame smiley face in place of an original phrase. It's a hasty text message (LUV U) with a hieroglyph where your heart ought to be. When it comes to love, nobody knows what to say or to write anymore. Or could it be that this age of coy cynicism and corrosive sarcasm has finally managed to yank the rug right out from under eternal passion? Has the arch irony of "The Daily Show" and films by the Farrelly brothers finally done in the idea of romantic devotion?
[Chicago Tribune]
LAUNCHER: Is it true? Are we just too cynical to express a genuine love?
2. Old Faithful
Most Americans these days agree that couples should stay together only so long as both parties love each other. That should you fall deeply and irretrievably in love with someone else, you owe it to yourself to follow your heart. That you shouldn't remain in an unhappy union purely for the sake of the children. Marriage, the thinking goes, should entail joy and mutual self-fulfillment. Yet there's a hitch--so to speak. When characters in film or fiction act on these precepts, the audience usually disapproves. Why is that? In our private lives, we consider it our right to leave even long-term relationships if we're miserable; with imaginary people, we apply the stricter, fustier mores of the 1950s. So, deep down, might Americans still prize loyalty over the pursuit of happiness?
[OpinionJournal]
LAUNCHER: Despite our own actions (and cynism) do we deep down long for expressions of commitment and loyalty?
(2/16/07)
A new photo has been added from the ice storm. I like it.
(2/15/07)
Every now and then, when I am in an incredibly good mood, I take to writing. My compositions generally take the form of short stories, and are all generally set in the same place: a mythical world known as Dyomeros. Since Mr. Baker and I were talking about it, and he posted one, I figured that I should post one as well. This happened last Friday.
I arose from my rest; The fading light of day cast her ruby arms about me, and every tree seemed to stand boldly in the firelight. I picked up my pack and began walking. By the fading sun, I judged my heading to be roughly southwest. As I walked, things came to mind, as they always have for me. I thought that these woods looked like a scene out of one of Tolkien?s novels, filled with magic and secrets, but bearing me no malice for my stay in their shade. It seemed that, while I wandered, they were steady and ancient, telling me of something I had long forgotten.
My thoughts wandered again; I saw the sun, how he was running from me, trying to hide before I reached my destination. I was determined not to let him. He, in his steady rhythm, could not best me; though no longer a youth, I was fleet of foot and well rested.
I quickened my pace; I ran by a small brook. Its voice seemed to call to me, asking me why I was late; what was it that detained me? It did not complain, for that was not its nature. It was simply curious.
It was dark when I issued from the tree line. The scene upon which I now found myself gazing was surreal. Dusk cast her shadows over the meadow, but cast her faint light throughout the evening?s sky. I turned, and there, near the cascades at the head of the meadow, I saw them. She had brought her brother with her, and he stood behind her. There were three others. The first was a young man, robed in white. He was accompanied by his sister. Their dress was strange in my land. There was with them an older man, battleworn like myself. He was, like me, a priest, but of their country. They appeared worried and nervous, but upon my appearance, this vanished, to be replaced with joy. I joined them, and we began.
(2/13/07)
I've been trying to thing of how I should respond to the thing with Mrs. Simpson. I found the answer tonight; I Peter 3:13-14 states "Who is there to harm you if you prove zealous for what is good? But even if you should suffer for the sake of righteousness, you are blessed. Do not fear their indimidation, and do not be troubled." It goes on into the passage about being ready to give a defense for the hope that is in you. However, at the risk of taking things out of context, I think the first part is capable of standing by itself.
Now it is true that I am not physically suffering, but I am sure that if you ask Jon or anyone else who has been involved in our church, they will tell you that there is suffering if your opinion aligns with mine; you believe that reaching out to the college should be a high priority, that music should be sung with enthusiasm and joy, and desire to see a church full of vibrant life, instead of this staggering corpse.
What is the answer? If we believe that we are following Biblical truth, then we are pursuing what is good, and are therefore to be zealous. We are to view this struggle as a blessing, and we are not to allow ourselves to be troubled or intimidated. For fun, ya'll should look up where else that Greek word for troubled can be found. I haven't done it, but may tomorrow, when it's not 2:00 AM. Is there intimidation here? Yes. Is my spirit troubled by the way the church is turned into a political battlefield? Yes. Then how the heck is this a blessing? I really couldn't tell you. It is, even though I am to blind to see it. If nothing else, whenever I am sent out from here, I will know precisely how a church shouldn't look.
How are we as Christians to respond to this hatred from other in the body? First, we are called to be fireproof, immune to the hatred or those on this earth. While my eyes are often fixed on this earth, they should be so enraptured by the beauty of my Saviour that getting relational muddy doesn't bother me. Second, we are to pray for them. As much as it disgusts me, I am required by my Lord to pray for her. Third, we must pray for ourselves, that we would be preserved from impure motives and that our conduct would be blameless. I will be the first to admit that my motives are almost never pure, and therefore my conduct rarely blameless. I could use your prayer in this.
(2/11/07)
You know, I really think that I hate the Bible. Every time I open it recently it tells me something I don't want to know, and tells me to do something I don't want to do. Point in case. I got blasted by Mrs. Simpson tonight at the Dr. Paulette's meeting. I'm pretty steamed about it and sort of blast Shannon, cause she happens to be on IM. Then I go open the Word, and guess what shows up; I Peter 3:9 "Do not return evil for evil or insult for insult, but give a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherent a blessing." Now believe it or not, that isn't exactly what I want to do right now, but I think I need to. I could really use all the prayer I can get right now.
(2/9/07)
By Lindsey Hight
Month One
Mommy
I am only 8 inches long
but I have all my organs.
I love the sound of your voice.
Every time I hear it
I wave my arms and legs.
The sound of your heart beat
is my favorite lullaby.
Month Two
Mommy
today I learned how to suck my thumb.
If you could see me
you could definitely tell that I am a baby.
I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though.
It is so nice and warm in here.
Month Three
You know what Mommy
I'm a boy!!
I hope that makes you happy.
I always want you to be happy.
I don't like it when you cry.
You sound so sad.
It makes me sad too
and I cry with you even though
you can't hear me.
Month Four
Mommy
my hair is starting to grow.
It is very short and fine
but I will have a lot of it.
I spend a lot of my time exercising.
I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes
and stretch my arms and legs.
I am becoming quite good at it too.
Month Five
You went to the doctor today.
Mommy, he lied to you.
He said that I'm not a baby.
I am a baby Mommy, your baby.
I think and feel.
Mommy, what's abortion?
Month Six
I can hear that doctor again.
I don't like him.
He seems cold and heartless.
Something is intruding my home.
The doctor called it a needle.
Mommy what is it? It burns!
Please make him stop!
I can't get away from it!
Mommy! HELP me!
Month Seven
Mommy
I am okay.
I am in Jesus's arms.
He is holding me.
He told me about abortion.
Why didn't you want me Mommy?
Every Abortion Is Just . . .
One more heart that was stopped.
Two more eyes that will never see.
Two more hands that will never touch.
Two more legs that will never run.
One more mouth that will never speak.
(2/8/07)
And that something is sleep. Ah, that
Sleep that knits up the ravell'd sleave of care
The death of each day's life, sore labour's bath,
Balm of hurt minds, great nature's second course,
Chief nourisher in life's feast
- MacBeth (Act 2, Scene II)
Yeah... anyway, there ain't much going on. I've moved December's posts into the Archive. Just a random comment about myself. I'm on IM all the time. Whenever, and I mean whenever, I'm on, it means that I'm available to talk. However I do realize that other folks do get on to talk to others than myself, so I'm trying to curb my natural inclination to jump on everyone as soon as they login. If you're on to talk to someone else, and don't particularly feel like talking to me, or something, just say so, or ignore me. It won't bother me at all.
And a random quote that I stole from Amanda Stewart's facebook:
"A womans heart should be so close to God that a man has to seek after him to find her."
(2/5/07)
When I was at Passion, God did something completely incredible in my life. I'm not using the word in the current usage, meaning "cool" or "sweet." I mean that what happened was completely unbelievable without taking into account the supernatural. I'm thanking the afore-mentioned guy from UG in the baseball cap for his prayers in this area; I don't even remember your name, but for all I know, you were an angel.
One of the by-products of this change was that there are now certain options open in my life that had previously been completely closed. I've been really excited and happy about this, and I've been feeling like I should make use of those options, since they are available. But today, I realized that the reason they've been opened up is specifically because I can't take them; God has removed one barrier between me and them to show me that there is another, larger barrier behind it.
I realized today that I've been getting so excited, confused, and occupied with these options that I've completely lost sight of where they came from, that is Christ. Let me share the verse that helped me figure this out: I Peter 2:6. It says "Behold, I lay in Zion a Choice Cornerstone, a Precious Cornerstone, and he who believes in Him will not be disappointed." That last line was what caught me: "will not be disappointed." I've been chasing this stuff, filling my mind with it, trying to figure out who to talk to about it, and completely worshiping it, and it's disappointed me. Now I realize that, once again, God is telling me "first you seek My Kingdom and My Glory. Then I will add these things unto you."
Would ya'll pray that I will be seeking Him first, instead of things of this earth? I am so easily led astray. Well, g'night ya'll.
(2/3/07)