A quote:
If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
If you are going to walk on thin ice you might as well dance
This is the personal website of Matthew Dellinger. I use it speak my mind on the continuing work of God in my life, our culture, the the church, and anything else that comes to mind.
I'm currently trying to move into a more serious realm. I want to use this space primarily to address the second and third topics I mentioned: culture and the church. I'm always looking for something to write about, so if ya'll think of anything, just ask and I'll talk about it.
Enjoy, or at least think about what I post.
I was reading through The Great Divorce again today, and I found this really great quote. It's great because it pins down exactly what I do most of the time, which is listen to God tell me "seek first my kingdom and my glory, and all these things will be added unto you" and go "ok, I'll seek you so I can get them," which isn't the kind of seeking he wants. Anyway...
"But Pam, do think! Don't you see that you are not starting at all as long as you are in that state of mind? You're treating God as a way to Micheal. But the whole thickening treatment consists in learning to want God for His own sake."
Lewis and MacDonald walk on, and MacDonald soon points out that
"Every natural love will rise again and live forever in this country: but none will rise again until it has been buried."
"The saying is almost too hard for us."
"Ah, but it's cruel not to say it. They that know have grown afraid to speak. That is why sorrows that used to purify now only fester."
(3/28/07)
Hebrews 12:2
Fixing our eyes upon (or desiring) Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who, for the joy that was set before Him, endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the Majesty on high.
You drink the cup to the bottom, but it burns in your mouth
The cup was poured out on the Maker instead
- Caedmon's Call (from Lewis)
The thing that really catches me about this is exactly what Piper moves over. He points out that all this was done for the joy, and he's right. What jumps out at me is this; He despised the shame. My question is, if we are also to take up daily our cross and follow him, should we not also daily despise the shame? And should we not do it for joy? That's not something I want to do; it means not only admitting to God that I'm a sinner, but doing what really hurts; nailing my pride to the cross and admitting to the world that I'm a sinner, that I get angry about little things because they hurt my pride, that I've looked at porn, that I've slandered other brothers and sisters in Christ, that I gossip, and the list goes on.
But I think Lewis is right; To despise the shame mean that it can't be something that is only between me and God. It must be between us, but if I hold it there, I am still able to keep my pride before my brothers. To truly despise it, I must be willing to go out and tell the world everything I've done, because only then is my pride cast down, and only then is Christ alone lifted up.
And guess what? When I do it, it is joyful, because it removes my burden of trying to maintain this image of a great Christian before those who's approval I seek.
Into Marvelous Light I'm running
Out of darkness our of shame
By the cross you are the truth,
You are the life, you are the way
My dead heart now is beating,
My deepest stains now clean.
Your breath fills up my lungs.
Now I'm free. now I'm free!
(3/21/07)
I'm a hippie (I use that term as a general-purpose derogative)... I forgot to wish everyone a merry St. Patrick's Day. Oh well, I hope you all had a blast running around in kilts and playing bagpipes and eating tasty cookies and whatever else you did to celebrate. I wrote a paper. All day.
In celebration of that day, I give ye a poem.
The Leprechaun
By Robert Dwyer Joyce (1830-83)
In a shady nook one moonlit night,
A leprahaun I spied
In scarlet coat and cap of green,
A cruiskeen by his side.
'Twas tick, tack, tick, his hammer went,
Upon a weeny shoe,
And I laughed to think of a purse of gold,
But the fairy was laughing too.
With tip-toe step and beating heart,
Quite softly I drew night.
There was mischief in his merry face,
A twinkle in his eye;
He hammered and sang with tiny voice,
And sipped the mountain dew;
Oh! I laughed to think he was caught at last,
But the fairy was laughing, too.
As quick as thought I grasped the elf,
"Your fairy purse," I cried,
"My purse?" said he, "'tis in her hand,
That lady by your side."
I turned to look, the elf was off,
And what was I to do?
Oh! I laughed to think what a fool I'd been,
And, the fairy was laughing too.
(3/18/07)
If you look in the Events section, you will notice that the LAN party has been rescheduled.
(3/17/07)
Happy Pi Day to all of you math lovers out there. I count myself not among your numbers, but I guess I can at least bestow my felicitations upon you on this day of irrationality. I hope you all did something incommensurable in relation to life today, and had great fun doing it, even though you'll never be able to explain it. I hope you get better soon.
(3/14/07)
My day has been long
I will tell you about it
using my haiku
Beautiful morning
The birds are singing sweetly
I am late for class
I code in C++
I write too many for loops
I fall fast asleep
A two-hour chem test
On the first day back from break
Gosh I hate my life
Puny white ninja
He thinks he can frag with me
He gets his butt kicked
I biked to classes
Now I smell like a hobo
It's time to shower
(3/12/07)
The following was a snippet of a conversation between Conor and a friend. The point is, the world knows that Christians are to live by standards, and they notice when we break them.
undertow066: you know you are going to break this girls heart after you fuck her and leave her
slowford5: shes a christian
slowford5: its her fault for having sex before marriage
(3/9/07)
who's your brother, who's your sister
you just walked passed him
i think you missed her
as we're all migrating to the place where our father lives
'cause we married in to a family of immigrants
my first allegiance is not to a flag, a country, or a man
my first allegiance is not to democracy or blood
it's to a king & a kingdom
there are two great lies that I've heard:
?the day you eat of the fruit of that tree, you will not surely die?
and that Jesus Christ was a white, middle-class republican
and if you wanna be saved you have to learn to be like Him
but nothing unifies like a common enemy
and we've got one, sure as hell
but he may be living in your house
he may be raising up your kids
he may be sleeping with your wife
oh no, he may not look like you think
(3/7/07)
They'll know us by the t-shirts that we wear
they'll know us by the way we point and stare
at anyone whose sin looks worse than ours
who cannot hide the scars of this curse that we all bare
they'll know us by our picket lines and signs
they'll know us by the pride we hide behind
like anyone on earth is living right
and isn't that why Jesus died
not to make us think we?re right
when love, love, love
is what we should be known for
love, love, love
it's the how and it's the why
we live and breathe and we die
they'll know us by reasons we divide
and how we can't seem to unify
because we've gotta sing songs a certain style
or we'll walk right down that aisle
and just leave 'em all behind
they'll know us by the billboards that we make
just turning God's words to cheap cliches
says "what part of murder don't you understand?"
but we hate our fellow man
and point a finger at his grave
they'll know us by the t-shirts that we wear
they'll know us by the way we point and stare
telling 'em their sins are worse than ours
thinking we can hide our scars
beneath these t-shirts that we wear
(3/7/07)
Take out the romance, and this is how I feel.
As the Ruin Falls
All this is flashy rhetoric about loving you
I've never had a selfless thought since I was born
I am mercenary and self-seeking through and through
I want God, you, all friends merely to serve my turn
Peace, reassurance, pleasure are the goals I seek
I cannot crawl one inch outside my proper skin
I talk of love, a scholar's parrot may talk greek
but, self-imprisoned, always end where I begin
Only that now you have taught me,
but how late my lack, I see the chasm
and everything you are was making my heart
into a bridge, by which I might get back from
exile and grow man...
and now the bridge is breaking
For this I bless you as the ruin falls
the pains you give me are more precious than
all other gains.
_C. S. Lewis_
(3/5/07)
A Peanuts cartoon expresses my feelings recently. Lucy is walking down the street, thinking to herself:
"That Chuck. He's something else...
I don't even know why I think about him...
Chuck doesn't seem to understand a girl's emotions...
In fact, Chuck doesn't seem to understand girls at all...
Chuck is hard to talk to because he doesn't understand life...
He doesn't understand laughing and crying...
He doesn't understand love, and silly talk, and touching hands, and things like that...
He plays a lot of baseball, but I doubt if he even understands baseball..."
Then Lucy knocks on Charlie Brown's door. She says,
"I don't think you understand anything Chuck!"
As she is walking away, Charlie Brown replies:
"I don't even understand what it is I don't understand."
I have so much understanding to do that I sometimes feel "I don't even understand what it is I don't understand." Somehow, everything that I've been thinking about (and therefore writing about on here) ties together. My life and God's heart; My will, and my desires, and my knowledge, my friendships, together with God's work, and God's plan, and God's will. It just seems so clear, and then it gets all confusing again. How am I supposed to strive after Him, when I can't see him, and can't clearly hear Him? How am I supposed to understand Him when He speaks in so many different ways? I will give my firstborn child (provided I have one) to anyone who can tell me how it all fits, and then tell me what the dickens I'm supposed to do with it.
(3/4/07)
II Peter 1:17-19
17)For he received honor and glory from God the Father when the voice came to him from the Majestic Glory, saying, "This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased."
18)We ourselves heard this voice that came from heaven when we were with him on the sacred mountain.
19)And we have the word of the prophets made more certain, and you will do well to pay attention to it, as to a light shining in a dark place, until the day dawns and the morning star rises in your hearts.
That passage has been amazingly powerful to me in the last couple of days. It's God's promise of two things, one present and one future. The present promise is that, because He Himself said it, His word is a lamp, a light for us in a darkened world. We have the word of the prophets, who claimed to be speaking the word of God, and this is proved by the coming of the fulfillment of those prophecies.
The second promise is that, because we have assurance that this word is a light, we know that one day that light will drive out the darkness. This is what is amazing to me. We know, without doubt, that someday in the future our hearts will be filled with light. The picture that comes to mind for me is the scene in The Two Towers at Helm's Deep. It is night, the Deep cannot be held, but should it fall, all will die. Then day breaks, and brings with it the rescue. This past week, I've felt like I was spiritually fighting on that wall; my soul was fighting off the darkness, and the only thing that kept me going was the promise that there is a glorious dawn awaiting those who stand.
A quote from Lewis in The Great Divorce.
"Don't you remember back on earth - there were things too hot to touch with your fingers, but you could drink them alright? Shame is like that. If you will accept it - if you will drink the cup to the bottom - you will find it very nourishing; but try to do anything else with it and it scalds."
I've never heard a better (or more true) analogy about it. I just read that and was like "yes, that's exactly the way it works."
(3/1/07)