Paul Heilker
Words & Music


Something New
(2009)



The horses are in the starting gate
They’re chomping at the bit, lord, they just can’t wait
I look at them and think of you
And how you’re always chasing something new

The kids are lined up outside the store
They own every gadget but still want more
I look at them and think of you
And how you’re always craving something new

How can I be your man
With your short attention span?
When you look through me
I know I’m just a novelty

You’re barely present and you have no past
You’re forward thinking but nothing lasts
It’s getting old, I’m telling you
So now I’m off to look for something new

There’s no way to be your man
With your short attention span
I’ll remember you, I see
Though you won’t even think of me


Portsmouth
(2009)



When you were here, I was always somewhere else
Now I keep tripping over where you used to leave your shoes
I keep thumbing through your stupid magazines
I’m drinking your coffee and I'm tracing your tattoo
Now that you’re gone, I’m drowning in you

Wherever I go
Whatever I do
Whoever I see
I’m drowning in you
Now that you’re gone, I’m drowning in you
I’m drowning in you

So I’ve run until the road turned into sand
I’m drinking hard, bones bleaching in the sun
There’s a sweet young thing who says she understands
But your ghost is the harbor and my sailing days are done
Now that you’re gone, I’m drowning in you


Hymn / Retribution
(2009)



I'd much prefer our older gods
with their swift punishment
to twisting in these softer winds
of our new covenant

while you've let go and been restored
your face lit by the sun
I cannot forgive myself
or forget what I have done

once you start the wheels to turn
you've got to let them roll
but I'm begging you to strike me down
instead of withering my soul

the kindness that you offer me
is proof that we've evolved
but until the day you hurt me back
I'll be writhing unresolved


Lovely Surprise
(2009)



matchbooks, dirty dishes
drunken midnight calls
wet leaves in the gutters
and boxes in the hall

road rash and splinters
empty first aid kits
paper cuts and chemicals
and blisters on my lips

a lovely surprise
it seems that I'm still breathing
to open my eyes
and find that I'm still here
to realize
I'm bent but not quite broken
a pleasant surprise
I might just make it through the year

coffins and coffee grounds
ink stains and rubber maids
dark suits and dollar stores
and defects on parade

alarm clocks and undertow and
cheap venetian blinds
stray dogs and microphones
and paperwork to sign


Here And Now
(2009)



I don't know
I don't know how these ideas begin
I don't know
I don't know how the crazy gets in
What I know
Would fit on the head of a pin
What I know

Now and then
I feel like I'm making a dent
Now and then
It almost begins to make sense
Now and then
I almost know what I meant
Now and then

Here and there
Here and there I find fragments and clues
Here and there
I find signs telling me what to do
Here and there
I find roads that might lead me to you
Here and there

But here and now
This is a glorious place
Here and now
Here and now is deliverance and grace
Here and now
As we stand face to face
Here and now


Up Or Down
(2009)



Wake up, here’s the mornin’ news
Get up, we got a lot to do
Stand up, find your socks and shoes

Dress up, wear your Sunday best
Hurry up, no time to rest
Wise up, this is not a test

No it’s a long, long way back down
It’s such a long, long way back down

Call up your friends tonight
Drink up, feed your appetite
Screw up, confuse wrong and right

Time’s up, grow up, suit up, show up,
Sit up and shut up,
And suck it up

Or take the long, long way back down
It’s such a long, long way back down

I wish that I had better news
If you don’t play to win then you’re sure to lose
And it’s a long, long way back down

No one cuts you any slack
If you’re standing still then you’re sliding back
And it's a long, long way back down


Duplicity
(2009)



You can’t kid a kidder
And you can’t con a con
Yeah, I can see right through you
Like I got x-ray glasses on

You’re not that good an actor
And I’ve seen it all before
You might read your lines with passion
But your performance leaves me bored

You’re always playing defense
You’re always on your guard
You must get awfully tired
You’re always working so damn hard

With you it’s cloak and dagger
A double agent in disguise
With all your covert operations
Your coded messages and lies

I scratch my head and wonder
How it ever got this weird
Hell, are you even in there?
Have you completely disappeared?

You’re always playing defense
You’re always on your guard
You must get awfully tired
But it doesn’t have to be this hard

Cause I would love you the way you were
And I would love you the way you will be
And I would love you just the way you are
If you would just stop messing with me

You’re always playing defense
You’re always on your guard
You must be sick and tired
You know it doesn’t have to be so hard

Cause I would love you the way you were
And I would love you the way you will be
And I would love you just the way you are
If you would just stop messing with me
If you could drop all this duplicity


Bounce
(2009)



born a bouncing baby boy
a tennis ball in corduroys
I bounced between my Moms and Dads
and all the different homes they had

I got good at travelin' light
at bouncing my signals off of satellites

at bouncing in and out of schools
at bouncing back from the coolly cruel

bouncing like a ball
I'm bouncing like a ball

a thousand applications on my phone
six hundred channels on the tube at home
I surf text twitter multitask
I'm crazy busy but I have to ask

why can't I find what I'm looking for
why am I always two steps out the door

lost count of the jobs I've had
of all the girls I've left hurt and sad

bouncing like a ball
I'm bouncing like a ball

I can't settle down
can't sit still at all
this pinball never stops
I just keep bouncing off the walls

nothing ever sticks
no one ever stays
it all just bounces off
the shiny surface of my days


Price's Hill
(2009)



At the start of my day
Through the fog and the dark
I hear Jimmy's ancient Ford

And it's lurching my way
Full of scraps, full of tools,
Full of tangled power cords

We'll stop for biscuits and cokes
A quick flirt and some smokes

Then we'll climb Price's Hill
Swallow that bitter pill
And I'm afraid we always will

As kids we would dream
As we wandered these woods
What we'd do when we left home

But near our old fishing stream
We are building a house
I could never possibly own

Its buyers won't care
About our history there

Still I'll climb Price's Hill
Just to pay the bills
And I'm afraid I always will

No, the owners won't care
About my history there

Still I'll climb Price's Hill
Just to pay the bills
And I'm afraid I always will


The Angels Are Near
(2009)



She held them off for so long
She always knew it was wrong
But they they kept calling her name
And they made the pain go away

She is keeping it pure
She is refusing the cure
Give them a clean place to stay
Or they might go away

Done with the stares
Done with the whispers
Done with her folks
Done with her sisters
The angels are near
Angels have kissed her
The angels are near
No one would miss her

She is alone in the dark
Fuel just waiting to spark
Why why on earth would she stay
In a place so pointless and gray


RSVP
(2009)



Stagger and stumble
Spastic and spaced
Mangle and mumble
Delete and erase

Traffic and static
Nonsense and noise
Lost in translation
Lost in our toys

So many things get in the way
Of hearing, of having a say

But this is a time
And this is a place
This is a rhythm
A dance, an embrace
And here is rhyme
Here is a song
And we could belong
We could belong

What will you offer
What will you take
What will you remember
What love will you make

It's fragile and magic
And dissolving so fast
Can you be in the moment
Can you let go at last


Thinking of You
(2009)



Time zones between us
And double digit years
Eight states of toll gates
But you might as well be here

Cause I'm thinking of you
I'm still thinking of you

Is it unfinished business
Or my simply guilty heart
Is it all those things that we might have been
But never got to start?

Keeps me thinking of you?
Why am I thinking of you?

Time and space
It's all erased
I see your face
When I'm thinking of you

Far and near and
Dark and clear and
Jokes and tears
I'm still thinking of you

The old gang's been scattered
Most everybody's gone
I'm still tuned to you dear
And your channel's always on

My memory is kind dear
The damage fades away
You're 18 and smiling
On a cloudless summer day

Far and near and
Dope and beer and
Everclear
I'm still thinking of you

Far and near and
Hopes and fears and
Shields and spears
When I'm thinking of you


This Much
(2008)



Soundtrack loops in my head
Scripts of what I should have said
Big screen scenes replay and rewind, replay and rewind
In the theatre of my mind

But I can't turn it off
And I can't put it down
And I can't let it go
Don't know much, but this much I know

Spiral into to the fire
I'm fried but I can't let go of the wire
Up to my neck in the sand
Tide rolls in, I drown again

But I can't turn it off
And I can't put it down
And I can't turn away
Can't say much, but this much I can say

Staying when I should go
Cling to the devil I know
Up to my neck in the sand
Tide rolls in, I drown again and again and again and again


Life On Wheels
(2008)



Jeannie bought a car and she filled up the tank
She withdrew all the money she had in the bank
Speeding down the highway stereo cranked
Her head on fire but her face a blank

Now the miles are piling up, yeah she's moving along
As far as she can run from the pain and the wrong
But deep inside she knows she's not that strong
And they'll try to drag her back where she belongs

Her life's on wheels and rolling faster
Stuck in overdrive and racing toward disaster

Across the state line doing ninety-five
Doesn't care where she's going, if she'll ever arrive
Realizing now that she'll only survive
As long as she can stay behind the wheel and drive

Like the Indy 500 or a day at LeMans
She's testing the limits and pushing beyond
But something's gonna give soon, it won't be long
She's gonna blow a gasket and she'll be gone