Random Covenant Crossovers



Like the Chronicles of the Little Girl, these are a bunch of short skits that we have written based on our imagination and knowledge of the Covenant world. A whole bunch of wacky stuff, basically. Enjoy!

Crossover #1: Lord Foul VS The Dark One (The Wheel of Time)

(Lord Foul, after the second chronicles, goes to the 35th Annual Association of Fantasy and Sci-fi Bad Guys Convention (AFSBG) and runs into The Dark One)

Lord Foul: "Hey, is this the section for 'Epic Fantasy Villians'?"
The Dark One: "YES."
Lord Foul: "Woah man, chill. So whats your story?"
The Dark One: "FIRST I GET TRAPPED IN SOME 'MAGIC' JAIL, AND THEN WHEN I WAKE UP, A SHEEPHERDER STARTS TO BEAT ALL MY MINIONS UP."
Lord Foul: "I know what you mean. Here I am, ready to competely destroy the Land, and claim it for my own evil purpose, and this loser named Lord Kevin destroys everything first. It was quite funny to see it though. I was laughing for a few thousand years over it. I guess you had to be there."
The Dark One: "I SEE. WELL, I HAVN'T LOST YET. ALTHOUGH IT DOESN'T LOOK GOOD. I'LL BE DEAD BEFORE ROBERT JORDAN FINISHES THE SERIES."
Lord Foul: "Bummer man. Well hey, at least you didn't get your ass kicked by a leper in two series."
The Dark One: "DANG!"
Lord Foul: "Tell me about it. After regaining my power the first time, this loser comes out of no where and defeats me. I mean, what the hell is with that? What kind of plotline is that? Completely insanity! I bet a frog could write better then Stephen R. Donaldson. He has to be the WORST author of all time."
The Dark One: "I DON'T KNOW...HAVE YOU EVER READ ANYTHING BY JORDAN?"
Lord Foul: "Anyway, back to my story. After a few thousand years of regaining my power ONCE AGAIN, the same loser leper comes BACK and defeats me AGAIN! This time, with some dumb blond!"
The Dark One: "OUCH..."
Lord Foul: "Well, after that pathetic ending, I had to get out. I told Donaldson strait out that I didn't want anymore of that retarded series. I quit. I mean, come on, a Leper of all things as a main character? Sheesh."
The Dark One: "WELL, THERE ARE PEOPLE IN THE WHEEL OF TIME WHO LOOK KINDA LIKE LEPERS. EVER HEAR OF EGWENE?"
Lord Foul: "Man, all that yelling you're doing is freaking me out. Enough with all the caps already! Do you have some kind of problem or something???"
The Dark One: "LANFEAR THINKS IT'S CUTE..."
Lord Foul: "Thats it! I'm outta here! Hey, is that Moraine over there? How did she get in?"
The Dark One: (The Dark One turns around) "WHERE???"
(Lord Foul runs away)

Crossover #2: Covenant VS Arthur Dent (The Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy)

(Dent finds himself summoned to the Land for no apparent reason (like always) right during the big battle between Covenant and Foul in the Power that Preserves.)

Lord Foul: Covenant, give me the ring!
Thomas Covenant: No.
Foul: Please? I promise I won't destroy the world.
Covenant: Well, Ok.
(Enter Dent)
Arthur Dent: Oh hello.
Foul: Who are you???
Dent: Who am I?
Covenant: Who are you?
Foul: Thats what I said!
Dent: Thats what I said!
Foul: Stop that!
Dent: I'm Arthur Dent...
Covenant: The Confused! Thats right! And with Dent the Confused, I, Thomas Covnenant, the Unbeliever, will destroy you, Lord Foul!
Dent: Who's confused?
Covenant: You are.
Dent: Are you sure?
Covenant: Yes.
Dent: I don't believe you.
Covenant: Hey, that's my line!
Foul: Which one is the Unbeliever again?
Covenant: I am.
Foul: And the Chosen?
Covenant: She's not here yet. She'll kill you in a few thousand years, but not before griping about the death of her family.
Foul: Dang. You know, I really hate all this griping you heros do. Its all I hear in this series, gripe, gripe, gripe.
Dent: Are we done here?
Covenant: Sure, just take this ring, and kill Foul. Dent? Dent?
(Dent is unsummoned just as mysteriously)
Covenant: Now I'm confused.

Crossover #3: Covenant VS That Insulting Alien Dude (I'll get his name soon) (The Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy)

Alien Dude: "Thomas Covenant?"
Thomas Covenant: "Yeah?"
Alien Dude: "You suck. Of all the people in the universe, you really bite the big one."
Covenant: "Duh, I already know that one. Do you want me to rape you as well? Oh Lena! Joan! Elena! Linden! Did I forget anyone? Oh yeah, Atiaran!"

Crossover #4: Bannor VS Lan (The Wheel of Time)

(Lan is in the stable of a small inn, looking after Mandarb. Bannor comes in riding a Rynahyn after a long journey on his way to Las Vegas)

Lan: (Looks up from Mandarb and suspiciously as Bannor)
Bannor: (Still on horse. Looks suspiciously at Lan)
Lan: (Raises eyebrow)
Bannor: (Raises eyebrow)
Lan: (Clears Throat)
Bannor: (Shrugs shoulders)
Lan: (Resumes suspicious stance)
Bannor: (Resumes suspicious stance)
Lan: (Grunts)
Bannor: (Dismounts the proud Rynahyn. Looks at Mandarb.) Call that a horse?
Lan: (Raises eyebrow) Excuse me? (Takes out 1 of his 15 swords)
Bannor: We are the Bloodguard. Wait, we were the Bloodguard. Now we are the Haruchi.
Lan: (Looks around curiously for other "We")
Bannor: (Takes fighting stance)
(Stonefaced, they circle each other for the next 9 hours)
Lan: Aren't you getting tired, sheepherder?
Bannor: We are the Haruchi. We do not get tired.
Lan: (Once again looks for the other "We")
(Lan raises his sword for a finishing strike. Bannor brings back his fist for a killing blow.)
(Covenant comes in through the back door behind Lan)
Covenant: Hey Bannor! You forgot your...
(Bannor attacks. Lan ducks. Bannor strikes Covenant by mistake. Covenant falls dead.)
Bannor: No! Now the Land is ruined!
Lan: The what? (Raises sword again to kill Bannor)
(Nyneave comes in through the back door, behind Bannor)
Nyneave: Lan? Where are you? I have been calling all night! Where have you been! Nag, Nag, Nag!
(Lan attacks. Bannor ducks. Lan strikes Nyneave by mistake. Nyneave falls dead.)
Lan: No! My wife!
(Bannor and Lan stand there, looking quite stupid. Bannor holding Covenant, Lan holding Nyneave.)
Bannor: You know, he was always a pain in the neck.
Lan: Yeah, so was she. How about a drink?
(Bannor and Lan drop Covenant and Nyneave onto the floor and go into the inn and to the bar)

Crossover #5: Covenant VS Marvin (The Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy)

Marvin: "I'm so depressed. My life is nothing. I am nothing. I'll just stay here and be nothing while everyone goes to have fun."
Covenant: "You're nothing? What about me? I'm so much more nothing than you. All the people I've hurt, all the cavewights I've killed. Oh, the agony. Lena! Foamfollower! My friends! All dead! Oh! (moans)"
Marvin: "Shut up. At least you get to be the Keeper of the Arch of Time."
Covenant: "Oh yeah, whoopty-doo. All I get to do is stand here with a duster and make sure the wild magic stays shiny."

Crossover #6: A Ranyhyn VS Bela (The Wheel of Time)

Bela: "Whinny."
Ranyhyn: "Whinny, whinny."
Bela: "Whinny Whinny, stomp."
Ranyhyn: "Whinny whinny stomp, snort."
Bela: "Whinny, snort snort, stomp Whinny."
Ranyhyn: (Runs away with tail between legs)
Bela: (Turns to Mandarb, gives him a hoof-five.)

Crossover #7: Foamfollower VS Loial (The Wheel of Time)

Loial: "Trees are better."
Foamfollower: "Stone and sea! Stone and sea. Stone and sea are better.
Loial: "You're being redundant."
Foamfollower: "No I'm not. "Stone and sea" is an expression my people use."
Loial: "I think your expressions are stupid. Besides, I can read. I bet YOU can't read."
Foamfollower: "I can read, AND steer a boat with my life-force!
Loial: "What a stupid skill! MY people tend forests. We don't need no stinkin' boats!"
Foamfollower: "Tend forests? That's Lords' work! The Giants can shape stone to anything we wish it to be! We made great Revelstone, the Lords' Keep, and many fine stone sailing ships."
Loial: "Stone sailing ships? That's ridiculous. The Ogier are the better of our two peoples. We are wise, faithful and strong."
Foamfollower: "The Giants are the better people. We are also wise, faithful and strong, but we hace one thing going for us that makes us way better than you."
Loial: "What's that?"
Foamfollower: "We don't work for Rand!"

Crossover #8: Covenant VS Ender Wiggens (Ender's Game)

(Right accross the street from the Bad Guy Con, the Internation Convention of Fantasy and Scifi Protangonists and Heros Convention is being held.)

(Covenant is sitting at a table, alone, with a "Lepers Only" sign that he put up. A kid walks up to him.)
Kid: "Hi! My name is Ender! What's yours!?"
TC: "Goway kid, can't you see I'm trying to get drunk?"
Ender: "Dang, you don't look to happy, mister."
TC: "You got that right, kid."
Ender: "Shouldn't all heros be happy, mister? Wern't you the winner in your story?"
TC: (Covenant gives a "You've got to be kidding me" look.) "Wern't you a little more mature and a little less annoying in your story?"
Ender: "Hey, give me a break, buddy, I just destroyed an entire race of aliens! Sheesh, some people. I need a drink."
TC: "Oh yeah, well I killed all of the Wraiths in Andelain! Hows that! And I bet I hate violence and killing more then you do!"
Ender: "Nah uh."
TC: "Uh huh! I hate killing more then anything!"
Ender: "Well, I hate it times infinity!"
TC: "Don't make me blast you with White Gold!"
Ender: "You don't know how to use that stuff! I've read your books!"
TC: "Well, I...Thats it, I've had enough...stupid kid." (TC gets up and leaves)
Ender: "Loser!" (Ender sticks his tongue out)

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