The Chronicles of a Little Girl
OK, as a little note from myself first, I don't really know how this little Fac Fiction came about. Alynna and I had this e-mail string going and inside of it we started this story. So here it is up for your enjoyment in its entirety.
(TV Ad)
"When High Lord Mhoram is hungry in the morning, he eats Dunkin' Donuts quality Donuts. Eat at Dunkin' Donuts and get a free Thomas Covenant plush toy. Collect the whole set of-Thomas Covenant, Linden Avery, Drool Rockworm and a Ranyhyn. Only for a limited time."
(Later)
Little Girl: "I'd like a box of donuts and a Ranyhyn, please. And a cup of coffee.
So when are you coming out with the line of Coursers? What about
Riders of the Clave?"
Dunkin' Donuts Worker: "Sorry, we are all out of plush Ranyhyn dolls. How about a plush Covenant Severed Hand doll? Complete with puss and blood."
Girl: "But I really want a Ranyhyn, Mommy, really really really. I want a
Ranyhyn, and if I don't get one, I'll set an ur-vile wedge on you. So
there! Nyah!" (sticks tongue out.)
Worker: "Nope, sorry little girl, all we have left is the plush Drool Rockworm, the plush Severed Covenant Hand and the plush Nom. Just make sure you don't say his name. The Ranyhyn won't be available for at least another 3 to 4 thousand Land years. Wait, no! Not the ur-vile wedge! Ie!"
Girl: "Yey ur-viles. Now give me my Ranyhyn!"
Manager, cowering behind counter as ur-vile wedge incinerates
the worker: "But little girl, you can't choose a Ranyhyn, he has to
choose you. AAAaaaaaagghhhh-" (ur-viles eat manager.)
(Elsewhere)
Vice President of Dunkin' Donuts: "Sir! We've had some problems in Dunkin' Donuts #204! A little girl and a wedge of ur-viles have killed everyone in miles!"
President of Dunkin' Donuts: "Hm...that could be bad on sales. What does she want?"
Vice: "A Ranyhyn plush toy!"
Pres: (Gasp!) "Quick! send a Ranyhyn plush toy to #204! This evil must be stopped!"
(Returning...)
A charred, bloody hand stretches out of the ashes of Dunkin' Donuts #204.
A shoulder follows, and then a head. A weak voice says, "3000 thousand
Land years is a really short time, little girl. I meant next week."
Girl: "Oh. Then I'll have the Drool Rockworm, please. We'll come back next
week, won't we, Mommy?"
The little girl turns away with her plush Drool Rockworm doll in arm, whistling a little tune. Then, all of a sudden, as the girl and her mommy are about to leave the fast food restaurant, the door busts open, revealing an stonefaced man and a herd of Ranyhyn at his back. His eyes shift from side to side. Then when he looks at the little girl, his eyebrow rises in suspicion.
Bannor: "I've been on vacation in Las Vagas. Who has called for the Ranyhyn?"
The End?
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