Jess's Two-by-Four

It started with Jess using the two-by-four to make a table for her architecture class. The professor queried, "Did you ask the two-by-four what it wanted to be?" This simple question, combined with too much stress and hillcrest water, made Jess determined to find out what the two-by-four wanted to be. Encouraged by the saga of Bill's Chair, she embarked on her quest.

Not one to waste time with politeness, Jess first attempts an interrogation.

Tell me what you want to be, or face my wrath!

You think you are strong because you survived my strangling. Well, we shall see. Fetch . . . the sandpaper!

Do you think I'm being too . . evil?

Jess tries another route. "I'm sorry, 2x4, let's be friends."

Jess wines and dines the plank

What did you say?

So that's what happens when a tree falls and nobody's around. Interesting.

How about a friendly game of pool. You're straighter than the pool cues!

Now initiating a Vulcan mind meld

The two-by-four's thoughts are highly irrational, Captain

A romantic moment in Bill's Chair

Aacck! Splinters!

Jess forms the Cult of the 2x4, and names herself the Chief Plank Priestess. Daniel is the 2x4's first worshipper.

Daniel tries to leave the cult. Jess tries to "gently" persuade the infidel to come back. To Jess, that means chasing after him, waving the 2x4, and threatening to hit him over the head if he doesn't come back.

Having almost bludgeoned her only follower to death, Jess gave up on the cult idea. No one knows whether she managed to find out what the two-by-four wants to be.

Update: Jess says she is thinking up more ways to wrangle the information out of the 2x4. They had a falling out after the 2x4 cheated on her with a table, so Jess is not against using torture. We'll keep you posted.